AWFUL SWEETNESS. [SIRIUS]

[• REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

[/size][/ul]

[• SIRIUS ORION BLACK]

In Sirius' opinion, herbology was a soft subject. Plants! They were fucking plants! Sure, some of them had fangs and some of them spat poison that could blind you, but a nice sharp pair of garden shears was all you needed to take care of them. And Sirius didn't fancy the way he looked after a Herbology class; he always ended up covered in dirt and the humidity in the green house did nothing for his hair. Plus, he was no longer allowed to sit next to James! After four years of sitting next to his best friend and causing trouble, he hardly thought that Sprout would bother separating them at this point, but he was wrong! At least Sirius got to sit next to Remus instead of Peter; he didn't his scrawny outside of class, but during class the boy would do nothing but ask Sirius question about their assignment. At least Remus was good to cheat off of if it came to that. All things considered, Sirius really didn't think he was missing much by being a few minutes late. Still, if he was going to get detention, he wanted it to be because of something extraordinary, not just because he was a few minutes late for class. That was something Peter would get in trouble for because he was too stupid to talk his way out of it.

Sirius considered himself to be in excellent physical condition, but he was uncharacteristically out of breath by the time he got to the green house. He'd only run across two floors of the castle and half way across the grounds! Maybe the excitement of the passed few minutes had taken his breath away; Sirius Orion Black had just asked a girl to the Halloween dance on behalf of Remus John Lupin! And Remus didn't even know! Sirius was quite eager to tell his fellow Gryffindor the news and to hear the young man's groveling of gratitude. His only regret was that James and Peter wouldn’t be present for the news for the previously mentioned reason.

Out side of the greenhouse, Sirius pondered which entrance would suit is story better; coming in out of breath, or waiting to catch his breath then coming in so he looked cool and more attractive? For one of the few times in his life, Sirius was going to have to put reason before looks and burst into the green house panting and sweating.

“I am so sorry professor!” he said in little less than a whisper, “This girl in front of me in the hallway dropped her books down the steps and all her papers flew everywhere! I couldn’t just walk away; I had to stay and help her gather up all her things because I think she was a bit physically handicapped.” Sirius added the last part in a bit of a grim whispered to seem sensitive to this ‘handicapped’ girl’s condition. “So, I helped her carry her things to class then ran here.” Sirius added a few extra pants for emphasis.

As far as he could tell from the way Sprout looked at him after telling his story, he was in the clear! The story had everything; chivalry, a damsel in distress, and handicapped people. It was like one of those cheesy books girls like to read on the beach with shirtless Vikings on the cover. Well, it was kinda like that, after all, Sirius was the closest thing to a shirtless Viking that most of these girls were gonna get. Out of the corner of his eye, he could seem some girls staring at him with dreamy expressions, some of them were even sighing! He could see Remus pointedly keeping his attention on his plant, but he knew that Moony was listening hard to hear what Sirius was saying. As much as Remus said he disapproved of most of the stuff Sirius and James did, he couldn’t deny that he was curious. Peter, on the other hand, couldn’t have made it anymore obvious that he was trying to hear and see everything Sirius was doing; the boy was practically standing on his chair with his eyes wide and his mouth half open, making him look astonishingly like a retarded fish. When Professor Sprout wasn’t looking, Sirius saw James flash him a thumbs up, which Sirius returned with a wink just before the professor turned back to him.

He’d been let off with a warning!! As if there was any doubt that he would be able to get away with a simple matter of tardiness. Sirius truly was the master of twisting a tale and his wit and charm had yet to fail him. Sprout directed him to his seat and told him that Remus would fill him in on the day’s assignment. Sirius took his seat next to Remus with a smug grin on his face and waited for the Professor to walk away before saying anything.

“Did you miss me Moony?” he whispered uncomfortably close into the boy’s ear, “I was late because of you, you know; it wasn’t easy, but I managed to get you a date for the dance.” Sirius could have waited to reveal this information, but he was just too excited about it! No doubt Remus’ reaction would be priceless! And it would postpone Wolfy from telling Sirius the day’s assignment, therefore delaying the start of class work.

[• REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

[/i]. That was just pushing it. But of course, miraculously, Sirius had done his job well. Professor Sprout let him go without a warning, and Remus was left giving his potted plant a bewildered expression. How did he do it, really? And how was it so bloody effortless?

"Did you miss me Moony? Sirius whispered into Remus's ear as he took the seat next to him, and Remus wrinkled his nose, finally looking away from his plant to glare at his best friend. "Hardly," he whispered back shortly, and part of the sharpness in his voice had a little something to do with jealousy. As good as Remus was at talking his way out of sticky situations - he had practically made a career out of his, he had to do it so many times for James and Sirius - but when it came to rule-breaking he was much more reserved than the Black boy. He could never bring himself to be that late for class, and then have the audacity to show up and put on a show like that, unless he was absolutely forced to. He doubted Sirius had been forced to be late. The boy couldn't be forced to do anything he didn't want to, his entire family could attest to that. So yes, Remus was somewhat jealous, maybe wishing that he could do something so uninhibited.

Sirius went on talking, but Remus didn't really hear him at first, as he had returned to his plant and was doing the work he had been assigned. There was a moment of silence between the two of them in which Remus counted in his head - fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen fangs - and then the Gryffindor boy's head snapped up, his blue eyes so wide they looked like they were going to pop out of his head. His fingers closed around the fanged geranium, the fangs he had just counted piercing his gloves and then his skin, and before Remus could even register the pain he was out of his seat and on his feet, the stool he had been sitting on toppling over on the greenhouse floor with a crash. "You did WHAT?!" Remus practically screamed, and that statement could have rivaled a mandrake scream. On the other side of the room Professor Sprout let out a shocked, 'Master Lupin!' and Remus jerkily bent down to pick up his stool, then fell back into it, his entire body stiff and his breathing a little harder than normal. There was a dangerous, almost crazed look on Remus's face as he turned slowly toward Sirius, his fists clenched and his jaw set. "You. Did. What?" he repeated in a low voice, and by that time the two had an audience.

There really wasn't any rhyme or reason to the thoughts Remus was having at that moment. First thing that had popped into his head was him - in werewolf form - showing up to the ball wearing tailcoats and a top hat, and then there was an ensuing massacre. Second thing was a female version of Hagrid in a hairy brown dress on his arm, third was him sitting by himself with a hurt look on his face... Everything he thought of was one hundred percent negative and he had no idea why Sirius had thought it was a good idea to ask some girl on a date with him. It could only end badly, at least that's what Remus was convinced of. Hence his reaction. Remus had been putting up with Sirius and James' pranks for years now, but this. This was going too far. When the cruelty moved on to him, that was the stopping point. There was no way in hell this was going to fly. No way in hell.

"What were you thinking, you self-centered-" Remus stopped himself for a moment, and luckily his brain-to-mouth filter was still intact... Mostly. "Trying to make an absolute fool of me- Overstepping every fucking boundary in the book- Probably made me look like an incompetent-" Remus returned to his geranium, his movements rough and uncoordinated, because there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate on the lesson now. His plant was mostly destroyed anyway. The damage really couldn't have gotten worse. At least the damage to the geranium, but the damage to Remus himself however...

Really, he was so angry that there were a few tears springing to his eyes. It all came down to one thing: his lycanthropy. The fact that Sirius might have asked a half-giant to go to the ball with Remus really wasn't so bad; the Gryffindor Prefect wasn't that shallow - but... He had avoided girls in general for fifteen years of his life and now, now it was being ruined by him because Sirius either thought it would be a good joke or he thought he would be doing Remus a favor. Remus didn't want favors, he didn't want to go to the ball with someone. He didn't want to date. He didn't want to look at girls or develop feelings for any of them. It had been decided a long, long time ago that the only people he could trust himself with were his best friends and Dumbledore. He was a monster, for God's sake, and it was best not to show the monster to more people than necessary. The less people that had to encounter it, the less people that would ultimately get hurt. Remus could never forgive himself if... if... Well, the idea was just too horrifying. It was something that haunted his dreams almost nightly, and that was something Sirius should have known; he heard the mutterings that came from Remus when he was sleeping, he knew in detail what the other boy went through.

But still, through all of that, a small part of Remus couldn't help but wonder what it might be like to put that aside for a night and dance with a pretty girl. He was just too horrified to let that thought come to the front of his mind.[/size][/ul]

[• SIRIUS ORION BLACK]

Huh, so. . . no groveling gratitude from Remus? In hindsight, Sirius probably shouldn’t have expected as much, but the way Remsu did take the new was no less than an extreme over reaction, in Sirius’ opinion. Still, it was very amusing! Sirius had a good chuckle when Moony’s plant bit him and even more of a chuckle when the boy knocked over his chair! Though amusing, they now had the attention of everyone else in the room and Sirius really wanted this to be more of a one on one conversation. He could see James and Peter giving him inquisitive looks from across the room, which Sirius replied with a don’t-worry-about-it-I’ll-tell-you-after-class- look. James had understood, but Peter was still gapping over at them with that retarded goldfish look on his face. God, Sirius really hated that kid some times. If he didn’t treat he and James like God, Sirius would have gotten rid of him a long time ago. That, and as much as Sirius hated to admit it, he had a bit of a soft spot for the little idiot.

Now, back to Remus’ absurd reaction. Really?! Any other boy with half a cock would be delighted to know that they had a date for the dance! And Remus should know Sirius well enough to know that he would ask a complete troll to go with him! That was cruel, even for Sirius Black, especially considering that Remus was one of his very best friends. Well, so much for doing the other boy a favor! The boy had clearly overreacted without even giving Sirius the chance to elaborate and explain the situation. Since Sirius had already asked Ela, Remus was now obligated to go with her whether or not he liked it and Sirius was determined to make sure that that happened. He didn’t even want to think about how disappointed that poor girl would be if Remus didn’t show, not to mention what it would do to Sirius’ reputation! He was known for being a prankster, yes, but tricking a girl into thinking she had a date for the dance, that was just going a little bit too far. This had to work out, it just had to!

Oh, dear God in heaven; where those tears in Remus’ eyes? Were those actual tears in that boy’s eyes? Sirius wasn’t a very observant person, but he could tell when one of his best friends may or may not be about to cry. What was this strange feeling coming over Sirius? Did he actually feel a little bad? No! He wasn’t going to let Remus’ self-loathing make him feel bad for doing the boy a favor! He refused to let that happen! Sirius understood that being a werewolf gave Remus certain anxieties, but that was no reason for the boy not to have a date to a dance! It was almost at the point where it seemed like Remus was punishing himself for something that he couldn’t help with all his self imposed rules! For Christ sake! The kid had to be miserable enough being a werewolf without not letting himself indulge in certain teenage rights! Sirius was sick of it! Just bloody sick of it!

Sirius knew that Remus was immune to his charm more than anyone else; he was just going to have to be brutally honest with his fellow fifth year. He hated having to do it, but he knew it was the only way he was going to get through to Remus.

“Remus, just calm down for a bloody moment!” Sirius whispered sternly, well aware that they were being watched and he didn’t want it to look like the two of them were having some sort of lovers quarrel! In fact, Sirius had been half tempted to yell; ‘I DIDN’T MEAN TO CHEAT ON YOU, REMUS, BUT THAT OTHER MAN WAS JUST SO HOT’, but he didn’t. It just didn’t seem appropriate given the circumstances. “I asked Elanora Rigby for you! You know, the girl you like? I’m not telling you that you have to fuck her, just go to the bloody Halloween dance with her! What harm is there in that? You know, despite what you might think, you do deserve to have a bit a fun every once in a while.” Sirius gave the other boy a few moments for his words to sink in. This wasn’t the first time that Sirius had given Remus a lecture like this; something similar to it had happened when they all talked Remus into the whole ‘animagus at the full moon’ thing. Though, Sirius could understand Remus’ apprehension with that, but with a bloody dance? There was just no reason for Remus to be acting this way.

“Besides, trust me,” he continued with a more light-hearted whisper, “You and Ela are PERFECT for each other. Seriously, I really don’t think you’re going to find a girl more suited to you! You guys should go to the Ball in some kind of cheesy couples costume, like Romeo and Juliet! That’d be so fucking queer, but it would be funny as Hell!” Sirius laughed quietly to himself at the very thought of Remus showing up to the dance in a tight pair of pantaloons with that stupid Shakespearian puffy cuff around his neck. Sirius hoped his humor would lighten up Remus. Really, he didn’t know if he was up to putting extreme effort into making Remus less cross about the whole situation.

“Ok, so come on now, don’t be mad at me,” Sirius put his hand on Remus’ shoulder and gave him a friendly shake, “I wouldn’t do these things if I didn’t care!” As GAY as it sounded, Sirius really did care deeply about his best friend and would so anything for them, even Peter! Since the situation with his family was just a bloody disaster, his friends were all that he had. He would hate to loose Remus over something like this. Though, one of Moony's weaknesses was that he was very forgiving, so Sirius wasn’t too worried.

[• REMUS JOHN LUPIN]

[/i] Remus then blinked his blue eyes a few times, any trace of tear gone from them, and he glanced at his friend with the slightest bit of interest, although immediately behind that was anger readily available if necessary. And, of course, it was necessary, because Sirius simply had to continue on. 'I'm not telling you that you have to fuck her; just go to the bloody Halloween dance wit her!' Remus scoffed gently, keeping his voice low because he had become all too aware of all the pairs of eyes that were focused on him since his outburst. The curious expression on Remus's face was gone and, as expected, was replaced with that anger. "Don't say things like that," he managed to hiss, although Sirius did quite well talking over his chastisement.

'You know, despite what you might think, you do deserve to have a bit of fun every once in a while.' And so Padfoot struck the core of it. Remus's lips tightened and he turned his head away, and despite the fact that the name Elanora Rigby rang in his mind over and over, he couldn't get over that last hurdle, the one that would keep him from having the fun which Sirius thought he deserved. Remus, on the other hand, thought quite the opposite, as was probably obvious by then. Sighing gently, Remus slowly removed his dragon hide gloves, finally feeling the pain from the fanged geranium and wincing slightly. He glanced down at his hand, flexed his fingers, and distracted himself with the sting of pain that warranted. He deserved to have fun, Sirius said. But was he really deserving? No, Remus hardly thought so; he was about as deserving as a banshee, or a mummy, or any other monstrous and uncivilized creature out there. So what, that externally he was a human, teenage boy? He felt like his insides were rotting. Those were, of course, thoughts that he always kept to himself, so great was his shame because of his lycanthropy. He could joke about it with the Marauders, laugh at it every once in a while, but when it came down to it? Being a werewolf made him a freak, and a disgusting one at that. What had a werewolf ever contributed to society? What had a werewolf ever done at all, except hurt others? He deserved to have fun, did he. Sirius went on talking, now past his serious lecture and onto more light-hearted things, but Remus was hardly listening. He heard the words 'cheesy' and 'couple' and 'queer', and was really uninterested in all of those things.

Remus felt Sirius's hand on his shoulder again, and almost sighed once more, but managed to suppress it to spare Sirius's feelings, if the twit had any (of course, Remus only thought at the moment that Sirius was a feeling-less twit, and would not suggest that the boy was thus one hundred percent of the time; but for the moment, he was most definitely that). Still, he did shrug off the hand after being shook around a bit, and at the time Sirius's claim of 'I wouldn't do these things if I didn't care!' seemed entirely unlikely. He wondered what Elanora must have thought of him - because no, he hadn't forgotten all about her in this whole thing. In fact, the more he sat there, the quicker she became all he was thinking about. First he regretted ever letting slip that he had something of a crush on her, but... well, did he really regret it? Would he when he was at the ball - if he went - dancing with her? It was true, he had a crush, and had for a little while. They had been partners in some class, he wasn't sure which one, and he had admired her since, but from afar. And that's all he had planned to do, was admire from afar, because he had decided far before Ela caught his fancy that he and girls just would never, ever mix, partly because of his awkwardness around them and partly because of what he was. There was no use in getting that close to someone other than the Marauders, he thought, because, well. Keeping people at a distance was what he should be doing, so he didn't end up ruining anyone's life.

"I really can't believe this," Remus said, and the hurt was mostly gone from his voice, being replaced with a musing tone. He didn't really see any way out of the situation, no matter how hard he thought. He couldn't just not show up and leave Ela disappointed, and... Hold on a moment. Remus sat back a little in his stool and his eyes got wide, and he turned to look at Sirius, a shocked expression on his face. "Wait, she said she wanted to go with me to the ball?" As if it was just hitting him. "She said yes to you asking her for me to go to the ball?" There was another pause as he looked forward, at nothing really. "She wants to go to the ball, with me, together?" There really weren't many other ways he could phrase it, but they all meant one thing; that Ela had at least a little interest in him! And as much as the better part of his brain resisted, he couldn't help but feel good about that. Really really good. Because, after all, she was pretty and smart and very kind and funny and easy to talk to and... and pretty. A small, somewhat dreamy smile slid onto Remus's face as he looked forward, past a Hufflepuff that had a rather confused look on his face, and he stayed like that for a moment, thoughts of him and Ela dancing the night away in his conflicted mind.

"I can't decide whether to hate you or love you, Padfoot," Remus muttered, and he was wracking his brain, trying to think of when he would see Ela next. Oh. Ohh. What would he do then? What would he say to her? Remus's nerves started to take hold and he turned to Sirius once more, a frightened look on his face. "Oh Merlin. What am I going to say to her when I see her?" he asked aloud, repeating his inner monologue. "Did she think it was stupid that I didn't ask her myself? Should I ask her about costumes? Do I have to get her a present? What is she expecting from me?!" Remus took a deep, panicked breath and looked helplessly at his best friend. "Youhavetohelpme," he said in a rush, and he was very much relying on Sirius's, ah, prowess with the ladies to get him through this. He was hardly charming, at least not when he tried to be, and he knew he'd just be a mess the next time he saw Ela. That being said, though, he had enough common sense to take what Sirius's advice would be and closely examine it; he wasn't so stupid as to follow blindly, especially considering the fact that he was not Sirius Black and he could not get away with some of the things the other Gryffindor boy did. "This is going to be a disaster," Remus groaned, poking angrily at the geranium in front of him and getting yet another puncture wound from it, as he had forgotten that his hands were gloveless. No, he said to himself. This is not going to go well at all.[/size][/ul]

[• SIRIUS ORION BLACK]

In the time it took Remus to think about how much he hated himself, Sirius began to think about what was going to be for lunch that day. He hoped it was roast beef sandwiches; he could really go for that. It had been a while since they had been served roast beef sandwiches for lunch so they were due for it soon. Too bad the house elves never really had any kind of scheduled menu for meals. Sirius often wondered who decided what was for lunch each day. Was there a head house elf down there making the decisions? Sirius would like to speak to that elf and tell him that they needed some Goddamn roast beef sandwiches, STAT.

“Actually, when I mentioned your name, she screamed and set herself on fire,” said Sirius with obvious sarcasm as he rolled his eyes. Was it really that unbelievable to Remus that a girl would be interested in him? Sirius was a bit annoyed, however, when he noticed how pleased Remus was at the thought of Ela being happy about going with him, he quickly changed his tune. “Yeah, she seemed really excited about it,” Said Sirius earnestly, “in fact, she said these exact words; ‘when you see Remus, tell him that I would love to go with him!’ She really really could not stop smiling from the moment I mentioned your name.” It was odd seeing Remus so . . thrilled about something. The other boy wasn’t a complete stick in the mud all the time, but he also wasn’t exactly walking on sunshine all the time either. It was really quite refreshing to see Moony with such a foreign expression on his face. If Remus had just started drooling just then, Sirius wouldn’t have been surprised by it; in fact, he subtly grabbed an empty flower pot from behind him to catch Remus’ drool if needed. Had the situation been a little less sensitive, Sirius would have made fun of Moony for looking like such a dope, but the last thing he needed was for Remus to feel any ounce of discouragement just then.

Oh to be young and in love! Sirius had liked specific girls before, but he had never liked them like that. He’d never pined over a girl like Remus did with Ela or James did with Lily. The way he saw it, he was only fifteen, he was going to have plenty of time in the furture to settle down with someone. In the meantime, he planned on sampling as many women as the world had to offer. Who knows, may his playful flirting could lead to something more someday.

“I can’t decide whether to hate you or love you, Padfoot,”

“Psh, fag,” scoffed Sirius with a smirk. Just when he thought things were going well, Remus had to go a turn back into his old, worrisome self. Sirius could have slammed his head down on the table with frustration “It is not going to be a disaster!” Sirius hissed angrily “You can do this and I’ll help you.” He’d expected having to give Remus advice, but Jesus Christ; if Sirius had to hold Moony’s hand through this whole thing, he was going to regret getting him a date in the first place. Lucky for Remus, Sirius was an expert when it came to girls. “I’ll give you a quick run down of advice now just to ease your anxiety, then I’ll elaborate more later. What I’m about to tell you is my three-rule system that has given me a 99.9% success rate. Usually I measure success by how sexually satisfied I am by the end of the night, but for you we’re going to measure success by whether or not Ela still likes you by the end of the night. Now, you’re going to want to write a lot of this down, but not just yet. Like I said; I’ll eleborate later and you can take notes and ask questions.” At this point, Sirius was talking very fast and at a whisper so his ‘secrets to wooing women’ would not be overheard.

“OK, Rule number one: don’t think, just do. This is a general rule, but it goes for you especially because I know how you like to think about things. If you start thinking to much about what to say or what to do when you’re with a girl, you’re gonna over think it and crash and burn. You just have to go with your instincts and any gut feeling you get. Basically, just wing it. You think I had any type of plan when I approached Ela? No. With girls, you can’t really plan out things because they are very unpredictable, spontaneous creatures. I was with a girl once,; we were just talking abut random shit and then suddenly, the chick had her hands down my pants! It was just ‘talking, talking, talking . . . BAM!” Sirius slammed his hand down on the table, “Her hand is down my trousers!” In Sirius’s excitement, he’d said it a lot louder than he meant to and he and Remus, once again, had an audience. Luckily, Professor Sprout was outside the green house tending to a student who had been badly bitten and wasn’t coping well with the sight of blood.

“Yes, well,” said Sirius, addressing the many sets of eyes that were now on him, “if anyone would like to hear the details of that story, they can see me after class.” Sirius had to be the luckiest boy ever, because just then, Sprout came back in the green house and all the students hastily redirected their attention back to their fanged geraniums. “Anyway,” Sirius whispered to Remus as if the previous incident had never happened, “I hadn’t planned for the girls hands to end up down the front of my trousers, but, it happened and it was awesome. Now, I’m not saying that Ela is gonna stick her hand down your pants, I mean, she could I guess; sometimes the girls who you think are the biggest prudes and up being the horniest ones.” Sirius nodded wisely.

“Rule number two: gifts, compliments, and chivalry. Since it’s just a dance, I wouldn’t worry about getting her a bouquet of flowers, but you should bring her something. Since it’s Halloween I would bring her some cute candy or one of those stupid Teddy Bears in a pumpkin costumes, you know, chick stuff. Make sure you tell her how nice she looks even if her costume makes her looks like a miserable old hag. From there, you just do the obvious; open doors for her, pull out her chair for her when she goes to sit down, and NEVER make her carry her own punch. So help me God Remus, if I see Ela carrying her own punch, I will drop kick you out of that dance.” The threat was more to make sure Remus remembered Sirius’ advice than to scare the poor boy. Still, given his anxiety at the moment, it may not have been the best tactic . . .

“Rule number three and probably the most important rule; be yourself. Unfortunately, most girls aren’t stupid; they’re going to know when you’re being fake to impress them or what ever. You have an advantage here because Ela already likes you, so all you have to do is just act the way you do around her in class. But, there’s also a disadvantage to this; since she already knows you, it’s going to be even more obvious if you’re not acting like your self. Just remember that she already likes you so you don’t have to stress yourself out over impressing her.” Sirius felt like he couldn’t stress enough that Ela already really like Remus, so that was half of the work already done. Even Sirius didn’t have that type of advantage all the time. Well, his looks did give him a bit of an advantage because who could resist a face like his?